Yesterday and today were amazing! Even the simplest things are so much fun with Danny and me. We literally did nothing but sit around and laugh like idiots.
I got high last night as well. Too high. I don’t know if it’s the kind of weed or how I smoke it, but I get really alert instead of really relaxed, and I have to focus really hard on what’s happening or I start tripping. I woke up feeling really relaxed, though. I think it did help, overall. Doesn’t help that I smoked it wrong. As my roommate said, “you are like the worst weed smoker EVER.” Haha, shit’s true!
So I’ve been thinking a lot about my friendship with Danny today, and I realized something really big. I realized how when I get sad and depressed and won’t see anyone, I don’t just hurt myself, I hurt everyone that I care about. I can see now how much me going into myself is abandoning him, and he doesn’t deserve that. It puts him in a position where he can’t rely on his own best friend. And it’s not fair to him at all. Because I know I could rely on him no matter what. But I couldn’t say the same thing about myself.
So I’m sorry to all my friends who I have let down. But at the same time I feel reinvigorated. I may not understand why we are alive and why we are here just to pass away, but I know that none of my friends can get through it with out me, and that’s reason enough to keep trying for now. Once again Danny gives me a reason to keep going :). I can honestly say I think he’s the only person who has ever really done that for me.
Kid’s so sweet, for serious. I can’t believe all the time I spend so depressed not realizing that out of everyone, I get the most kind, generous, funny, and amazing person to be MY best friend. It’s surreal. I really need to start thinking of all the blessings that I do have, instead of the things that I don’t. Seriously, he’s so fucking adorable, gets all worked up about talking about airplanes and whatnot.
So I’m going to get better. Not just for me, but for him, and for everyone who cares about me. And that’s a fact.